oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize
