Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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