we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
