Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
