girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
