It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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