Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
