wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Randomize
