I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
