a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
