I can tuck mytits in my pants
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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