I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
