You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
