She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
