I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
