Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
