I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize