im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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