Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
