She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
