goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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