dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
