it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
vagina is talking i cant
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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