My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
