did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
