soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
