The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
