Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
