he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
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