omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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