I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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