You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
