I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I think my moral compass just broke
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