hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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