Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
