Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
