seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
