Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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