dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
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It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
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She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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