i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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