I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize
