I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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