Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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