god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize