I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
