I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
