and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Enjoy the penises
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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