"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
