i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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