She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
