shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize