Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
