can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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