My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
