how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Every concussion has its silver lining
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
