yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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