I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
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