my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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