Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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