I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize