I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugly people sure do ruin things
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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