How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
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Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
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Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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