i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
