I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
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