walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
