He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
