Me too!
this beer tastes like vomit already
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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