i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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