She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
