When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
