Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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