its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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