That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I have tasted many bathrooms
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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